I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A 'Shut Up™' Sermon by TGRR

by: The Good Reverend Roger

This Discordians thing isn’t just End Times Porn. We’re not just here to make an ugly situation uglier…We’re here to strip away the glitter and makeup and drag the situation out into the light, so that the ugliness is viewed in its true form, to show the average human that their society is akin to a black velvet Auschwitz. After all, if they don’t know what it really is, then they can’t change it, right?

For this, of course, we are called all manner of horrible shit by stupid people. “conservopagans” & Magicktards, libertariantards, Democrats, Republicans, teabaggers, the DAR (& other racists), and I’m pretty sure the Rotarians have put hits out on us. It is un-American to point out that things aren’t utterly perfect, that there might be a flaw or two in our glorious system.

We – at least the portion of Discordians that I feel comfortable speaking for – no longer buy into the left/right false dilemma that has been propagated by the media for the last 65 years or so. “Both sides” are moronic Punch & Judy dolls set up for you to throw rotten fruit at. If at this point you find yourself saying “Well, sure, but at least the isn’t AS BAD as , then congratulations: You’ve bought half the lies, which is all that is required.

And the 3rd party morons? As I’ve said before, just because they’re funnier doesn’t make them better. No, the sad fact is that all politics is utter garbage which must be studied without buy-in…Because, though those police may be a social fiction, their pepper spray and billy clubs are just as real as they need to be.

This applies to ALL politics. Dumb fucking anarchists are buying the same shit in a different wrapper. In fact, anarchy is the STUPIDEST form of politics, because it doesn’t even TRY to put forth a workable agenda, let alone a system that primates can live with. Also, it was invented by the French, and anyone who has studied their governmental history has no further need of any evidence, whatsoever.

Related to politics is, of course, religion. Religion, as defined by us in The Church™, means “any group of people who believe the same things without considering (or even looking at) evidence that contradicts those beliefs”. Religion therefore includes the American Left & Right, all major denominations of all the Abrahamaic religions, Hindus, Zoroastrians, atheists, Bears fans, Free Market retards, communists, Scientologists, television viewers, and people who get their “information” from AM radio. Please note that this is by no means an exclusive list.

All of the above have one thing in common: They steal your Slack™, and then give your formulaic, false-slack pap in exchange. They typically do this by offering you what primates need: An alpha, usually a surrogate one. The character “Jack Bauer” comes to mind, as does the president, the pope, Rush Limbaugh, or anyone else who will take from the masses the burden of thinking for themselves. Typically, this is sold with John Wayne stapled all over it, the only example required to demonstrate this is the recent & laughable “Rick Perry is Strong” ad. Same with the fictional Jack Bauer…He’s hard as nails, and has no time for hippie shit like due process & the rule of law. Don’t you wish we had a Jack Bauer to cut the crap and do horrible shit to really bad people?

If you answered yes, for any reason – for any crime - then you are essentially no different than a Roman citizen in 50 BCE. You are part of the problem, and you need to REPENT, SINNER, or else resign yourself to a lifetime of walking on your knuckles. Know ye well the signs of the End Times, fools, for is it not written that false prophets shall deceive the multitudes? Is it not written that a sucker is a sucker, and should not be trusted with cash? IS IT NOT WRITTEN INDEED, THAT LO, THERE’S LOTS OF SHIT HAPPENING THAT YOU AREN’T TOLD ABOUT?

Indeed. You merely aren’t told. Nothing is hidden from you, because they just have to convince you that many things aren’t worth looking at. They’re “uncool”. “Math is boring!” “That’s crackpot shit.” “You’ll never get a good job without what we have.” “There’s nothing I can do, anyway.” “Watch our special report on the dangers of stepping outdoors, at 9.”

People believe that shit, and it is the fucking ROAD TO PERDITION, paved by The Spider with bricks made out of the purest Conspiracy™. Jesus tried to warn you about this shit, and they turned him into the God of Capitalism. “Bob” tried to warn you about this shit, so they assassinated him a half a dozen times. The Occupy geeks are trying to warn you about something. They’re not quite sure what it is, specifically, but they know there’s something HIDEOUSLY WRONG.

And if a pack of smelly hippies and tragically cool hipsters can figure at least that much out, I expect no less from you. And, not unlike them, I expect you to fucking DO something. But I won't tell you what. Use your fucking head for something more than a glory hole lure, and FIGURE OUT YOUR OWN METHODS YOURSELF. Oh, and then SHUT THE FUCK UP. It's a sad fucking day when 35 year old hipster creepers get more done to fuck the system than we do.

Get the fuck on it.

Or Kill Me.

Q: Why Are There So Many Different Kinds Of Discordians?

A:  Discordianism is the open-source religion, in that most people who adopt it and use it seriously bring their own flavour and new ideas to it, improving it and making it their own.  One person's personality is starkly realistic and practical, so his version mirrors that.  Another's worldview is closer to the original recipe by Thornley.  Cosmic poetic absurdism with a dash of mysticism.

Other Discordian practices incorporate a fundamentalistic view of Eris as an unkind goddess of disruption and strife, a doctrine which finds favor quite naturally among the ranks of trolls.  Some people (myself) take Discordianism as a foil for a Vonnegut-esque worldview.  

(Answer was written by Felix, here)

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Discordianism As Perfect Nihilism

written by: Cain

It’s funny, but the more I read about Nihilism, the more I think Discordianism is one possible antidote to it.  I know this seems to contradict the title, so perhaps I should explain my terms a little, before I get ahead of myself.

Nihilism is a word that is thrown around a lot.  As such, it is often misused, and open to abuse.  Its very nature often makes it derogatory, though perhaps not unjustly, which also helps obscure the meaning.  However, it does refer to a very real and precise phenomenon.  Although the word itself dates back to Jacobi, in his attacks on Kant’s “critical philosophy”, the meaning by which it more usually understood goes back to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche.

The former referred to nihilism as a process of levelling, whereby individual uniqueness ceases to exist and being able to affirm one’s existence becomes impossible.  However, it was more fully developed by Nietzsche and, more recently, Deleuze.  In its modern meaning, nihilism is the disavowal of not only meaning in the world, a grand unifying ideal or scheme or plan, but all possible meaning for all time.  Some of the theorized psychological stances that may lead one to nihilism are an inability to accept pain, conflict and antagonism.  Because these are parts of our world, no matter how regrettable that may be, nihilism therefore becomes the quest for another, illusory world, where these imperfections do not exist, a transcendent and perfect realm.  

Nihilism is tied to religions, but not purely a part of them.  Though Nietzsche correctly diagnosed its presence at the heart of Judeo-Christian-Islamic culture, ceasing to believe in these religions alone cannot end it.  Instead, as faith in these religions becomes less pronounced, we have two sorts of nihilism, which Nietzsche called “strong” and “weak” nihilism, in his typical manner.  The weak version is pretty much as I explained above: the individual becomes passive and content with this world, giving up on passions and values and becoming almost without a will or desire at all.  In “strong” or radical nihilism, the situation is reversed.  Here the person cleaves so tightly to their passions and values, that they come to hate the world which cannot live up to them, and so, eventually, seeks to destroy the world they inhabit.  

Clever readers, which you all are, will no doubt see a certain symmetry here.  Like, say, that between contemporary Western life and radical fundamentalism?  I’m sure I’m not the only one.  The imperative of our current civilization is to moderate everything.  Moderate political positions.  Moderate exercise.  Moderate religious views to go with our moderate meals.  Everything has to be sanitized, made safe and comfortable and fluffy.  Showing any sort of passion or conviction, especially of a radical kind, is frowned upon and considered frightening (both due to the fear of failure and the fear of success of any radical program or measure).  We even seek to deny the discomfort from the effects of eating or preparing certain food, like with genetically modified onions that don’t make us cry, or diet coke.  You can have anything you want...so long as it’s not radical or extreme, so long as its effects are constrained.

And on the other end of the spectrum, we have the religious bigots.  The Islamic kamikaze bombers that will stroll into a crowd without hesitation, the Christian terrorists plotting to acquire WMD, the Jewish extremists willing to blow up a girl’s school, not to mention the likes of Aum Shinrikyo.  The fallen, apostate and sinful world around them sickens them so much...especially since they have a direct line to God and what he Really Believes.  Through violent yet ultimately impotent acts, they hope to divorce themselves from a society they despise.  This will for nothingness can and often is directed inwards as well as outwards.  The suicide bomber or mall shooter who commits “death by cop” is as much a nihilist as any other example here.  The one thing the radical nihilist most fervently disavows is the kind of life and society that passive nihilism produces.

Therefore we have two distinct types which, while sharing a common origin, cannot combine or synthesise in any way.  Equal and opposed, they can never meet, never resolve themselves.  Yet both define our modern world.  Is there any way to break out of this trap, to somehow perhaps go beyond nihilism into new, greener pastures?

I believe so.  Furthermore, I believe the answer lies in nihilism itself, in some way.

The problem is this: nihilism itself needs to be negated, which is no small task.  Or, to put it another way, anti-nihilism must be nihilism of a higher magnitude, to the degree that it can undermine its own premises.  However, anti-nihilism, or, if you prefer, this perfect nihilism must also contain one extra component: it must not only destroy old values but also force a reassessment of how we come to determine our values in the first place.  Anti-nihilism also must bring the focus back from imaginary metaphysical realms and transcendent planes of existence to this world, to find meaning in the reality in which we inhabit. 

I think Discordianism can do this.

Firstly, most Discordians I know are not transcendent in their views.  They don’t see order and disorder as absolutes, abiding in another Universe through which pale reflections are painted onto this reality.  No, instead, most Discordians that I know believe that the order/disorder/chaos synthesis is instead a description of the world, and how it actually is, how it acts and reacts and how we perceive it.  This immediately moves Discordianism from the theological realm of transcendent theories to the philosophical realm of immanent ones.  Immanence holds, roughly, that there is no “beyond”, no “supplementary dimension” or other realm which determines our reality.  There only is reality and nothing more.

Anti-nihilism therefore affirms the world, by taking a hammer to these phantoms and illusions that plague us with seductive, yet ultimately empty promises of eternal and external values.

But more yet needs to be done.  The act of creation requires the destruction mentioned above, to clear the field of these nihilistic idols.  Discordianism not only approves of, but greatly recommends the act of creation, and indeed, some have suggested the two are the same thing.  And because Discordianism works from the frame of order/disorder and destruction/creation (=chaos), it is, in a very real sense, “beyond good and evil”.  This doesn’t mean, as some think, beyond “good” and “bad” as concepts or descriptions, but denies a moral ordering of the world.  The introduction of the idea of evil in particular has definite theological (and thus transcendent) overtones.  While order is often seen as bad by Discordians, it is more often than not on a subjective, by which I mean individual case.  Because Discordians mostly accept order is a natural part of the world, it is necessary in some sense.  Where, when and for whom however, are different questions and often based on the context.  Immanence, once again, is evident here, denying transcendence a foothold.

Chaos also denies teleology.  Eris does not order her apostles to set themselves free, she tells them they are free.  What they choose to do with this information is up to them.  Teleology is one way to secularize transcendent values, by posting a utopia in the future.  Against this, chaos suggests that there can be no eternal categories, absolute truths or timeless facts, and change cannot be reduced to one-directional evolution to progress.

And, perhaps most importantly, Discordianism meshes almost perfectly with the theory of Agonism.  Against most political theory, Agonism suggests conflict is a permanent feature of human society, and so the question is not how to eliminate conflict – as with theories as diverse as liberalism to fascism, who aim at consensus – but instead how to channel this potential for conflict so that it can be used in a positive manner.  Agonism is, despite the similarity in spelling and pronunciation, not the same as antagonism.  Instead of merely allowing hostility and conflict to flourish, which could, if unchecked, result in the destruction of the social system entirely, Agonism allows for conflict within bounds and with respect for one’s opponents as adversaries.   Recognition that conflict is, in a sense or in some part irrational, and cannot ever be entirely eliminated, is very similar to the Discordian synthesis of order and disorder into chaos – a dialectic without final resolution or end stage, because either the victory of order or disorder over the other would be disastrous.  

An Agonist society would be very similar to that relationship between order and disorder.  Such a society would lack a unity of principle, which could then be exploited by demagogues and would be tyrants.  It would also allow for the fullest expression of real difference and dialogue, a return of those values and passions that passive nihilism tries to deny.  Agonism reintroduces contest and dispute into a society deadened by consensus, the need for “bi-partisanship”, the “best interests of everyone” and the pathological desire to make everything safe and un-radical.

Nihilism is, in my opinion, the opiate of the 21st century.  It is so easy to fall into apathy, to wish to cocoon yourself in a little bubble of comfort and nice things.  Equally, it is easy to grow to despise everything around you, for not living up to childish and unrealistic ideas about the world, to the point that you cannot bear the gap between expectation and fact, and so let that frustration out in destructive and terrible ways.

I think a third way exists.  Through the sort of “creative destruction” that Discordianism promotes, old idols can be brought low and new idols can be created.  Until, they too, need destroying.  And so on and so forth.

This Post Is About EVERYTHING:

1: We look for patterns in the world outside our heads.

2: When we find patterns, we call it order; when we don't we call it disorder.

3: The ability to find patterns comes from within ourselves.

4: So order and disorder only exist dependent on how much we want it to be there.

5: To realize that Order and Disorder are subjective, and that all is Chaos, is to find Eris.

Discordianism And Thelema

Are Discordianism and Thelema representative of emerging consensus belief in the 21st Century?

by: Tristram Burden

Introduction

The following is an analysis of two new religious movements that emerged in the 20th Century, Discordianism and Thelema. It is the authors intention to assess the cultural functions of these movements, and also to demonstrate that in the modern age of secularisation and the breaking apart of old social infrastructures (for example the family and the church), the structure, practices and particularly the philosophies of these two movements are representative of the possible future of religion and also the possible future of consensus belief, or non-belief, of western society. No attempt is made at forecasting when this change in human belief systems will occur, but certain trends will be analysed in conjunction with the tenets of Discordianism and Thelema, to demonstrate the emergence of these philosophies as an emerging standard of faith, or non-faith. A profile of each religion will be given, detailing its main tenets, how it was founded, and the practices that accompany them. The practices involved in both religions will be treated under one heading, as this involves a discussion of the current trends in Ritual Magick and Mysticism, and ties in strongly with the actual purpose of both religions.

What is Discordianism?

“If Religion is the opium of the masses, Discordianism is the marijuana of the lunatic fringe.”

In 1958, Kerry Thornley and Gregory Hill (known within the Discordian movement as, respectively, Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger) were sitting drinking coffee in an all-night bowling alley, discussing the amount of confusion in their lives, when time appeared to freeze, and they perceived themselves as the only two people moving. After a sudden flash of light, and an ensuing sensation of peace and stillness, a chimpanzee holding a scroll walked into the bowling alley, and proclaimed to them the following:

“Gentlemen, why does Pickering’s moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chest; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg’s Law? SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL THIS CONFUSION HERE!”

Proceeding this outburst, the chimpanzee unrolled the scroll he held, on which was transcribed The Sacred Chao. The two then watched the chimpanzee explode, and they lost consciousness.

After conducting extensive research about the symbol, discovering only its relationship with the Taoist Yin-Yang, and the symbolism of the Pentagon and the golden apple inscribed with the Greek word Kalisti (To The Prettiest One), they were visited by the Goddess Eris Discordia, who told them, among other things: “Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules.”

The two men then ordained each other High Priests of their own madness, and the Discordian society was created.

Discordianism has been described as either a joke disguised as a religion or a religion disguised as a joke. Such ambiguity is found throughout Discordian literature. It presents itself as a semantic meta-puzzle which all enquirers are encouraged to sift through and solve.

“The Discordian take on reality is that there is no reality as most people understand it. ‘Reality implies some kind of structure, some sort of guideposts. There is no structure. No bird, no song and no cage. And there is no goddess, so I guess this is all a waste of time. You might as well go home now.” Mao Kung Pao

The religion of Discordianism is centred upon the Greek goddess Eris, recognised by the Romans as Discordia, who acts through mediums of chaos, confusion and mayhem. This is partly a semantic attack on the idea of a male god, Yahweh or Allah, obsessed with order. The primary discourse evinced in Discordianism is that everything follows a pattern of total disorder, and that reality is entirely up to the perceiver. It is the Discordian view that the main religions in the west have been dominated by ideas of order and patriarchy, and that ideas of matriarchy and chaos deserve a chance. These are Discordian catmas, as opposed to dogmas.

Discordian Practice

“Is Eris true?”

“Everything is true.”

“Even false things?”

“Even false things are true.”

“How can that be?”

“I don’t know man, I didn’t do it.”

- Malaclypse the Younger (Gregory Hill) in conversation with Greater Poop.

The bible of the discordian movement is the “Principia Discordia, or How I found the Goddess and what I did to Her once I found Her.” Gregory Hill printed the first copies of the Principia Discordia on Dallas District Attorney Jim Garrison’s Xerox machine in 1963. It immediately achieved a wide notoriety in the subculture of the 1960’s, and became something of a cult classic. Between 1963 and the printing of the fourth edition in 1969, only 3,125 copies were sold. It has since been reprinted five times, internationally, and this serves as a possible indication of the Discordian movements membership, though this may reveal more about its popularity than actual membership. Discordianism has become particularly popular among the modern community of Chaos Magicians, to be discussed in further in part 2 of this article. Since there are no organised bodies in Discordianism, and considering that anybody can proclaim themselves or anybody else a High Priest or a saint (but not a prophet – there is a no-profit rule running through Discordianism), verifying the exact membership is close to impossible. Many, many people, it is theorized, are probably Discordian without knowing it, being proclaimed so by other Discordians – which abides entirely by the Discordian rule of no rules.

The goal of Discordianism is to confuse the time-bending semantic circuit (using Timothy Leary’s 8-cicuit model of consciousness) until a state of tabula rasa, or heightened input sensitivity, is reached, whereby the Discordian recognises that whatever one believes, one projects into the world faultlessly. Accordingly, belief is everything, and surrendering belief produces a brain state whereby everything the experiencer experiences is reinterpreted in the light of chaos.

“The Real Reality is there, but everything you know about “it” is completely in your mind and yours to do with as you like.

Conceptualisation is art, and YOU ARE THE ARTIST.

Conviction causes convicts.”

- Principia Discordia

What is Thelema?

The reader is referred to Liber Oz for a comprehensive summary of the main tenets of Thelema. The two phrases that bind these principles are “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law”, and “Love is the Law, love under will,” both of which are quotes from the Thelemic bible, The Book of the Law, referred to here as Liber Al.

Thelema is not entirely recognised as a religion (and is only refered to as such here on account of its mythic language and focus upon spiritual practice) due to the minority that espouse its doctrine. But, as will be shown below, its popularity may well be rising steadily. The religion contains echoes of Gnosticism and Hermeticism, particularly overt in its rites. To do one’s True Will, the major focus of the religion, is analogous to acquiring a daemon, in the Hermetic sense, or contact with the Higher Self in general Mystical terminology. It holds that we behave like stars (“Every man and every woman is a star.” This is very similar to Manichean tradition.), in that each individual has their own particular orbit, or path to follow, during their existence – the primary focus of existence for a Thelemite is to discover this orbit and to act entirely within this orbit. The causes of suffering in the world are a consequence of the majority of mankind existing unawares of their true orbit, and thus causing friction by interfering with other peoples orbits. To discover your True Will is identical to enlightenment in the Buddhist tradition, or attaining the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel in the modern Western Magickal Tradition. In Thelemic terms, then, to “do thy will”, is to attain a level of mystical illumination whereby the Thelemite is in unobstructed contact with his/her supra-mundane self.

The origins of the religion are tied into the work of Aleister Crowley, a man still regarded with suspicion (usually very hostile) in modern day society, but who can be regarded as simply a modern mystic in the tradition of Madame Blavatsky, G.I. Gurdjieff and Krishnamurti, even though these three, especially the latter, are regarded with less cynicism. There is no overriding reason to regard Crowley with either more or less suspicion than these mystics.

In 1903, while in Cairo with his pregnant wife, Rose, Crowley performed a magical operation designed to bring to visible appearance certain entities for Rose, who had no experience of such phenomena. The operation failed, and instead Rose fell into a trance-state. Crowley questioned her intimately, while in this trance, about the details of the Egyptian Mythos, which Rose had begun to show signs of knowing, even though she had, according to Crowley, no previous knowledge of it. The next day, while Rose still exhibited signs of being in trance, Crowley decided they both should visit Cairo’s Boulak museum, in order to further test her new-found extensive knowledge of Egyptian mythology. The god Horus was referred to in particular by Rose as requesting Crowley to perform a ritual designed to evoke him, which Crowley met with his characteristic scepticism. The exhibit number she pointed out was numbered 666 – this number had special connotations to Crowley, who had been styling himself the Beast 666 for a number of years. This and various other occurrences encouraged Crowley to take notice of what Rose was espousing. The incident culminated in 1904 when Crowley performed the invocation requested to him. The result of this was the dictation of the Book of the Law, Liber Al, by an entity known as Aiwass, and is the central text of the religion of Thelema.

The mythology used in Thelema is borrowed from Egyptian mythology, “for literary convenience” and the Revelation of St John the Divine from the Bible. The sky goddess Nuit; Hadit, a winged globe at the heart of Nuit, and Horus, the crowned and conquering child; Mega Therion, The Great Beast 666, and the Scarlet Women, Babalon, The Whore Archetype. Detailed analysis of these concepts is beyond this treatise, but the reader is discouraged from attributing classic definitions of Satanism to such concepts as The Beast 666.

Thelemic Practice

The practice of Thelema is largely the domain of people who work within the Western Magical Tradition. Two particular ‘official’ bodies are, though, existent, whose self-proclaimed mission, among other goals, is to spread The Law of Thelema. These bodies are the Ordo Templi Orientis and the Argenteum Astrum. The latter was formed from the ashes of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, a quasi-Masonic society that taught Ceremonial Magick. The O.T.O. is also a Masonic society, though many different orders exist, one of which, the Typhonian O.T.O., has discarded the Masonic structure all together. In the United States, the Caliphate O.T.O. has now a tax-exempt status, making it, in US constitutions, a recognised religious organisation. There is always a steady increase in membership and the establishment of lodges. It should be bore in mind that this is a representation of only one OTO, and that other bodies do exist, on an international scale.

To be a Thelemite does not require membership of either of these orders. As the key Law to Thelema propounds, it is entirely up to the individual whether or not he or she wishes to be formally initiated into the Western Magickal Tradition. Thelemic authors like Maggie Ingalls and Kenneth Grant encourage a self-initiatory journey. There is no authority in Thelema, though some bodies of the O.T.O. are prone to elevating Crowley to the status of a god, and propounding the dogma that Crowley himself despised, as his works bear out.

Thelema is essentially a mystical doctrine, encouraging the individual to become entirely self-responsible and self-aware. This awareness is achieved through a variety of techniques, incorporating Tantrism, Yoga, Gnostic and Jewish techniques of consciousness expansion. “Do what thou wilt” is not to be confused with “do what you like”, but rather is best seen in a mystical sense as, for instance, finding the Tao. Thelema teaches that the self is the ultimate authority, which is quite contrary to both the Judeo-Christian and Muslim traditions, and to the ‘established’ hierarchical structures in society. To be a Thelemite is to exist outside the laws that govern the general populace of humanity. With this message, it is understandable why Crowley is considered such a dangerous man in modern society.

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